Life Lessons
by But I'm No Mercury
Summary: In which Kitty gets off to drawings in the bathroom stall of a brunette that looks suspiciously like Marley. Little bit of a Crack!fic


**A/N: So, I have a shit load of free time. Because of that, I was re watching the first season, and this came to mind after hearing Rachel and Quinn talk about the pornographic drawings in the bathroom. Then I thought "I wonder how long those have been in there for people to have seen them and realize it was Rachel?" and then the fact that no one does anything about the slushies led me to believe that those drawings are probably still in there. I mean, look how everything else in that school is run, so I doubt anyone would've gotten rid of them.**

**But really, this is all just crack. Like, Tyrone Biggums esque crack.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I think I want to. I might break the gay scale.**

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Kitty was done with her good deeds for the week. She's been absolutely dying to be a bitch again, and was desperate for something. But damn her if she didn't have a heart; A really big one, with _feelings_ and other sentimental shit. She blames Puckerman (both of them). She blames Artie. She blames Ryder for being so damn understanding. And Marley. And most importantly Glee Club.

Thanks Tina.

Kitty rolled her eyes as she made her way down the halls. People didn't even flinch at the sight of her. It was liberating in all the wrong ways. She needed something like—oh.

Unique gazing longingly at Ryder. He sees and shakes his head, slaming his locker shut and walking off as Unique continues to gaze.

Ugh, too much drama.

She rounded a corner and for whatever reason Sam had a fat cat that would give Brittany's a run for—_ah_.

Kitty sighed in fustrarion at the way her heart broke a little at how the boy shed a tear while he held the feline. Really, it was absolutely ridiculous and she should be laughing! She was really losing her touch. Mr. Shue was all happy with Pillsbury dough bitch (Quinn had said it and she was ashamed to not of thought of it first) so that was a no. Finn was gone (and Santana had written a list of things for him).

And Tina—fuck, Kitty wasn't _even_ touching that friendzone poster child (She wasn't _that_ desperate...yet). Or Finn 2.0 (Blaine. She used to glare at 1.0 for putting her idol in a wheel chair).

So, it was with fustration that she grabbed her phone.

**Me:**

**What do you do when everything blows like two cent whore?**

The reply was quick (almost too quick).

**A Mentor:** (Quinn was so wonderfully mysterious)

**The bathroom in the English hallway is usual pretty empty.**

Kitty rolled her eyes. WWQFD was anout as helpful as YOLO right now.

She was already in the English hall, and nothing was—

"Maybe we just need a break."

"A break? W-What am I doing wrong?"

Hello, what do we have here?

Kitty's ears perked up at the sound of a locker closing. Uh oh, trouble on planet Jarley. Kitty peaked around a row of lockers to fully watch the scene. Marley was looking angrily (Kitty smiled at how childishly adorable it was—God, this was a weird ass day) at Jake, who seemed confused.

Ugh, Puckermans.

"So I didn't watch you flirt with some Cheerios?" Marley asked and if Kitty had a tail it'd be swishing.

"Can I not have friends?" God, boys were clueless. She could feel for Marley...for once. Sure Jake was cute, but in all honesty she wasn't really into him as much as she was into messing with Marley. Said girl gave an exasperated sigh.

"Look, I just—" Why did she choose to leave her phone on vibrate? Really?

"Is someone there?" Kitty jumped at being caught. But she managed to get away as footsteps got closer.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit..." Kitty quickly ran into the bathroom, and then into the third stall, breath heavy. She was vaguely aware of the door opening and the hesitant steps of Marley Rose.

"Hello?"

Silence. Water dripped from the sink. Kitty's breath was held as she curiously glanced around the stall to distract herself. Thanks Sue Sylvester. But then there was a feeling of deja vu...

Come to think of it, has she ever been in here before?

"Must've been my imagination..." The door shut and Kitty breathed.

But now she had a new way to torture Marley (and by extension, Puckerman, because their relationship was nauseating), so maybe it was worth it. She sent a quick thank you to Quinn, because apparently this bathroom was a damn life coach. Although, now that she thought about it, had she been in here before?

She'd heard rumors about this bathroom before, but had never been in here. Well, besides that one time before her captincy, as a Cheerio assignment to write shit on the stall walls about the AV club...

Actually, wasn't this the bathroom that everyone graffiti'd? Why the hell would—

"What the hell is a 'Manhands'?" Kitty asked aloud as she saw the scrawled out lettering. Above it was a very detailed drawing of a girl. A very detailed, very _naked_ picture of a girl. A brunette girl with a very big nose that looked kinda like...

Kitty's breath hitched.

It couldn't be. The girl's nose wasn't that big, nor did her legs look that good. She had a smaller, cuter nose, and her legs were very subtle, but—

"Fuck, what am I doing." Kitty groaned. She was somewhat aware of her phone vibrating, but all it seemed to do was make her shiver as her eyes raked over the naked body of look alike Marley Rose. Despite the face, the rest of the body was more than desirable.

The drawing was a bit faded, so the blonde had her doubts, but the aching under her Cheerio's skirt didn't really care. Her libido was crying out to her in the worst way and Kitty hayed herself for flipping up her skirt. She felt around her spanks, only to find them wet. She could be angry and in denial later, but right now her mind was clogged.

All she could see was Marley Rose, bent over crudely, naked as the day she was born and giving her bedroom eyes.

God, she was having a really bad week...

Her hand rubbed, slowly (almost too slowly)—"Shit..." She breathed, and moved her spanks to the side. God, what kind've person was she? One second she's plotting Marley's demise, and now she's got her hands in her spanks at the thought of the brunette naked and begging?

Kitty didn't care enough to truely think this through, because the pressure that was placed on her clit was too great to ignore. Her teeth bit down on her bottom lip, as noticed yet another picture. 'RuPaul' was branded to the side of this one, the brunette sitting with her legs wide open. Kitty's fingers worked their way to her entrance, but her thumb continued stroking her sensitive clit.

Kitty whimpered, "Fuck, R-Rose."

Her slippery fingers teased her entrance (Kitty almost rolled her eyes at herself, because really she was wet enough) before she sunk one in. Her right hand gripped at the stall wall, and her left thumb circled her clit deliciously, eyes moving towards another picture. God have _mercy_.

This one read 'Hobbit' and the brunette girl was on her knees, back arched crudely, and face absolutely wanton. Kitty would personally thank the 'artist' behind these, if it didn't make her sound like the pervert whose getting her kicks off of some sexy drawings of her frenemy.

Even though that's all that this was.

Another finger was added and they pumped relentlessly into the heat of Kitty's core. She was close and Marley clouded her thoughts. She wished so badly to be able to make her pose like that, make her legs spread, her back arch, to tangle hands in that long hair...

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Her mantra stopped only for her climax, her hand (that wasn't wet and twitching) reaching out, slamming on the first picture with the girl bent over. It was quickly becoming her favorite.

The bell rung, but Kitty was too dazed to even guess what time it may be. She closed her eyes and panted, thoughts still cloudy as roses tinted her eyelids.

/

"Where were you, last period?"

Kitty almost jumped up at the question. She had been zoned out all day and avoiding a certain brunette like a chocolate bar. She was sitting towards the back on the top risers, face a light pink as she didn't look at Marley. Wet panties and AP English wasn't helping _anyone_. Unique gave her a weird look and Kitty realized she'd just been sitting there.

"Batroom," Unique raised a brow, and Kitty thought quickly. "I-I got some slushie on me, so I was in the English hall."

"That bathroom is atrocious." The girl scrunched up her nose.

"Well, duh, it's burn bathroom." Sugar piped up from seemingly nowhere.

"Honestly, one of the stalls has nude drawings of Rachel," Tina (who popped up like a god damn _ninja)_ shook her head, and Kitty froze. "Sophmore year...never forget." The asian girl shivered and Blaine frowned next to her.

"I heard about that," He scratched his head, "I think one of the Cheerios did it." Kitty nodded absently. Where they the same ones that she thought were...

"Santana told me it was Quinn Fabray," Marley's voice pipped up. Kitty's eyes shot towards the girl and her cheeks tinged pink (She immediately thought of the girl bent over).Libido aside, did that mean..."She made me go in there when she mentored me. She wanted to feel nostagia over all the, um...bitches from back home." The brunette said the last part with her nose scrunched at the cursing. It was way too cute compared to the thoughts running through Kitty's XXX thoughts.

"Makes sense, I guess." Sugar shook her head, "Quinn's always had some weird thing going on with her." Blaine and Artie both nodded at that, along with Joe who did it very sullenly at the thought of the blonde.

Kitty was absently paying attention to their discusion, quickly pulling her phone out. She had two new messages.

**A Mentor (1):**

**I did a lot of thinking in that bathroom, and I can tell you needed the same.**

Ugh, she really didn't have time for repressed cheerleader self discovery. She sighed and opened the second.

**A Mentor:**

**Your very welcome. Hope your not as...stressed.**

Kitty's mouth was wide as her eyes, because she damn well had the right to look scadalized.

But_ fuck her_ if Quinn Fabray wasn't a good mentor.

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**A/N: I feel a bit of relief getting that out. It was either this, or I was tempted to write Lion!Quinn and Kitty!Kitty and their adventures. Dear god, what am I doing? **

**But, anyway, this was my way of letting out my Faberry and Karley feels. At the same time. This is what happens when Glee starts to make me upset. I hope you enjoyed and powered through my terrible smut writing.**

**ParaWhore**

**Out**

**Review**

**Please? I'll owe you one.**


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